Where You Are

Last night was a little tough because I had to try to explain to Eden how you used to live here with us, but how you now live in Heaven! Eden is finally getting old enough I think to start understanding a little more about what happened to you. Your dad was missing you last night, and when I told Eden that he was just missing Caydin, Eden tried to give him a "pretend" Caydin. We've told Eden before that you can be with us all the time in our hearts, but I think it's confused her a little so she doesn't quite understand that when we miss you, it's because you were and are a real person. So, when Eden tried to give your dad a pretend Caydin, I tried to explain to her that while you can be with us in our hearts all the time, sometime we just miss being able to hold you and give you hugs and kisses. It was hard to talk about because saying it out loud that we don't get to hold you made the emotions even stronger. I'm sure it's actually better for us to talk about, even though it makes us sad, because when we hold it inside, it tends to build up until we finally blow with major emotions! It's kind of funny because as time passes, I think I somewhat have things figured out on how to deal with what's happened, but then things come up that catch me off guard that present new struggles and I have to figure out how to deal with them! I've known that eventually there would come a time when your siblings will get old enough that I will have to talk to them about you and what happened, and answer their questions about things. I just hope when those times come, I will be able to say the right things in the right way!