Isaac's Birthday

I don't want to dwell on this for long because I don't want it to be a big deal. Isaac turned two yesterday, and I couldn't help but think how 2 birthday's were all we got to celebrate with you here in this life. I'm sure I thought about it when Eden turned two as well, and maybe even more when she turned three! When she turned three, I remember kind of thinking, yeah, we made it past two! I don't think I'll think that as much anymore, but with Isaac, it's more that I'm realizing that he's reaching the age you were when we last saw you, and he is reminding me so much more of you as he gets bigger! I'm kind of worried that this next year might be a little harder because I wonder if he'll go through or do things that will bring back more memories of you because it's the last things I remember with you. Eden wasn't so much like that because you and she are so different, and she's a girl. You and Isaac have so much in common, and just have those little boy attitudes more so he reminds me more of you. I almost want to have those flashbacks, though, just so I can feel closer to you, but at the same time, I don't ever want Isaac to feel like anything he does brings us pain, or that he can't be him without worrying about if it's like you and might make us sad. He is so special as him, and I don't want him to not think that ever! I know you are so strong and just want us to be happy! It was hard when Melanie was in her accident the other week. When we first found out and were on our way to the hospital, even though I knew she was relatively okay, about 5 minutes before we got there, I just burst into tears! I'm sure I might have anyway, but especially after loosing you, emergencies and hospitals are NOT my favorite! I was so glad when I got to go in and see Melanie, and hug and kiss her, and she was awake and able to look and talk back to me! I know you had to have been helping to watch over her! It does make me feel a little more comforted when I think how someone so close to me can be helping to take care of others who are close to me as well! I know how little control I actually have in this life, and I'm so grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that God can do anything, so even though we are imperfect, he still takes care of us!

Memorial Day

I have survived another Memorial Day! This year wasn't so bad in the sense that I didn't think a whole lot about it before, so there wasn't build up to go along with the day itself! I have to give a talk in Sacrament meeting this Sunday, and I have to introduce our family, which means everyone will know about you now! My topic is actually on optimism. I plan on bringing up what happened to you and how the gospel gives me hope and a reason to still be happy. All I have to do is miss you; I don't have to wonder where you are or if I will ever see you again! I have so many answers that give me hope for the future, even though missing you can still be so overwhelming and make me feel anything but happy! I hope it goes well, and I know I'm going to be nervous because even last week at church, I was sitting in the audience, and I already felt jittery and nervous for the talk, and it was still a week away!!! I hope you will be there with me!