Sleeping

I've been thinking a lot lately on how you used to sleep, or how you used to not sleep! So far you have been my worse sleeper! You didn't like to go to bed, and you didn't like to stay asleep at night, and you didn't like naps! The only time you slept well was in the mornings, thus why we still are not early morning people! I remember walking you in the afternoons because you were so tired but just wouldn't go to sleep! I would walk back and forth and everytime I passed a mirror, I'd be looking at you to see if you were out yet! I also remember at night finally just laying down to try to sleep, and you'd come over and touch my face, or just put your face right next to mine and I'd wake up with you 2 inches away! Even though it was hard at the time, I look back on all this now with longing! Maybe because they were hard, they're also some of my clearest memories of you, which now I cherish! You used to get night terrors, and a lot of the times the only way we could get you to pull out of them was to take you into the other room and turn on cartoons. I learned really fast most of the programing on during the night! Most of the time we turned on one of your favorite tapes because most of the time, there is nothing on during the middle of the night! I would get so frustrated at having to get up with you, but thank heavens I learned to just accept it and would turn on your cartoon, close the door so you couldn't leave, and lay on the poof pillow and doze till you would finally go back to sleep, usually at least an hour or two later! I've wondered before if you had such a hard time sleeping because you knew your time was short and didn't want to waste any of it sleeping! While I'm hoping the trend continues with your siblings that they continue to be better sleepers, I am glad I have some of those memories of you, and would love to have that problem again with you as opposed to just missing you! I have to admit as well that I sometimes have to struggle with some of my thoughts because often when I look at your siblings sleeping, they look so peaceful that it reminds me of seeing your body in your casket, and I have to fight the urge of shaking them awake! I watch very closely to make sure that they are still breathing! I have to remind myself that you are in a better place, and that it was your time to go, and that if anything ever happened to one of your siblings, it would be the same for them, so I need to quit worrying about it and send those negative thoughts away! Your dad and I went to the temple last night, and I felt the spirit telling me that while we were doing the work on our side, you got to help the people we were doing the work for on the other side! That was really neat! It's a family effort on both sides! I need to go to the temple more often! I remember going to the temple a couple of months after you passed away and sitting in the Celestrial room feeling really peaceful and comforted, and the spirit helped me to realize that where you are has the same feeling all the time! It helps me so much when I think of you and where you are and what you are doing that whatever it is, you are in a place of peace and glory, and you get to be there all the time! How wonderful! I try to think of that whenever thoughts of the accident and the trama of the whole thing come back and try to haunt me. I try to remember that what you experienced at that time was very different from what I experienced, and I try to focus on that part of such a righteous spirit returning again to his Heavenly Father having passed the test so wonderfully! I hope someday I can see for myself what your experience was like!