4 Long Years Later

This is a day late, but yesterday marked 4 years since you left us. I can't believe it has already been 4 years! It feels like a different life time since I held you, kissed you, watched you, knew you. And yet, I wonder, how long before I actually get to see you again? Four years has lasted a lifetime it seems like, yet I doubt it is even close to half way to when I get to see you again. There are still so many more years ahead. Part of me hates this thought and wishes I could see you right now, but the other part of me hopes I won't because I don't want to leave your dad and siblings yet either. I feel my heart is in two places. Isaac is getting so big now, and I can't help thinking sometimes what it would be like if you were still here to play together. You are both such boy boys. I'm sure you would have been wrestling, playing ball, driving RC cars, and all sorts of other fun boy things! But, it doesn't help thinking about what could have been because it isn't. I know you are doing amazing things and are happy. I hope I am able to be strong so when we meet again, I will feel worthy of being your mom! I love you buddy!