Five Years

Five years ago right now we were sitting in a PICU room with you, trying to figure out what was going on and how our lives could have changed so dramatically in such a short amount of time! I'm doing better today than I thought I would, and tomorrow we have several things planned that will help keep me from allowing myself to think too much about what happened five years ago. I still haven't figured out the best way to deal with this day. It always brings back memories of my side of the experience, even though I try really hard to think of your side instead. It is a day of celebration for you; you passed your mortal test and "graduated" back to heaven; for you a place of peace and glory! I almost feel like it is a day to celebrate, but then the reality of what I went through and what happened, and how much I miss you hits me, and I think, maybe it's a day for quiet celebration. The bigger deal I make of the day, the harder it becomes, even if I try making it a positive day! I don't think I've totally recovered from the trauma of my side, and I'm not sure when I will, or even if I will until I get to see and hold and kiss you again!

So, on this the eve of the 5th anniversary of the last day on earth for you, I hope you know how much I love and miss you, and how grateful I am that you are my son!