2 years ago

I found a picture from June of 2005, two years ago from around now, and about 2 months before your accident. Guess what, we were doing a lot of the same things we are doing now! We were visiting places, ponds, and just enjoying nature! You loved to be outside and exploring! You were usually always pretty good about staying right with us as well! It's weird to me to see this picture because you were a toddler and Eden was a baby, and now our pictures are very similar, Eden's a toddler, and Isaac is a baby! The two differences are that you aren't here as a young child, and I'm pregnant again and about to have another baby! It was hard for me last summer to want to go out to places like we did with you because it reminded me so much of you it was hard. Now I think enough time has passed that while going outdoors still reminds me of you, it is a sweet memory and makes me feel closer to you. I feel like you get to be with us often, and especially when we go outdoors, since it was something you enjoyed so much when you were here! I sure miss you buddies! I've been struggling again lately a bit with memories of your accident. I don't like thinking about it, but I think sometimes I subconciously go there because while they are so emotional, because it was such a traumatic experience, it is also stronger in my memory and sometimes it's the clearest memories I still have of you! So, on one hand they are horrible memories, they are also the clearest and sometimes where I can remember you the best and you seem the most real to me again! It's really bothered me that it's taken me so long to remember experiences with you. It's like after you passed away, my brain was so shocked I formed some sort of amnesia that kept me from remembering you and what it was like to be your mom! It's started to come back to me, but only gradually, which is probably how it is suppose to be because if it all came back, it would be so overwhelming for me I'd probably not be able to deal with it! Anyway, I'm not sure I can deal with all these emotions right now, so I'd better leave things alone right now, but I love you and can't wait for the day I get to hold you in my arms again! Thank you for being so wonderful!